If you didn’t study, NEURO NUKE™ has your back! NEURO NUKE™ has proven in multiple studies to enhance cognitive function, neuroplasticity, thinking speeds, and even allow users to perceive in slow motion (aka bullet time). Nanobot technology allows users of NEURO NUKE™ to directly access the Extranet with their minds.

Side effects

Nausea
Vomiting
Excessive perspiration
Inability to cancel "bullet time"
PHARM-XE is NOT responsible for any damages caused by accessing the Extranet through your mind.

HYPER DYVE™'s ultimate relaxant is the perfect way to unwind after a long day of wheeling and dealing. HYPER DYVE™ is used among corporate entities across the galaxy to relax after closing the deal, or to calm their minds before negotiations for the big merger.

Side effects

Inflated Ego
Stupidity
Loss of feeling in oral cavity (numb tongue)

PHARM-XE is NOT responsible for any damages caused by failed corporate deals as a result of using HYPER DYVE™.

DIVINE DEADLINE™ is the ultimate concoction to turn the tide in your favor. Powered by chemicals blessed from a patented mix of 7* different major religious bodies across the galaxy, DIVINE DEADLINE™ will help you get whatever you want or need! Just inhale or inject the mix, focus your mind, and manifest your desires through the power of god(s).

Side effects

Potential damnnation
Widened range of classifications for "sinning"
Possibility of the Machine God answering your prayers or requests

*NOTE: The religious bodies were chosen via statistics, and the size of the religious bodies in no way indicates their potential for correctness. PHARM-XE is not responsible for prayers, manifestations, or other divine favors directed at the wrong deity or deities.

Anti-nausea for anti-gravity! Perfect for long space flights, this nano-tech neural stimulant will help make biological life forms at ease during extensive wormhole, orbital, or FTL travel.

Side effects

Even more nausea than normal
Inability to perceive gravity (i.e. "Falling Up Syndrome")
Munchausens's syndrome
Persecution complex

Perfect for a quick fix, the patented mix of antibiotics, antivirus, and cancer cells in MACRO MEND™ make it the best for in-the-field use. Just one dosage will allow the user to quickly re-grow missing tissue, bones, even limbs and organs!

Side effects

Excessive cancerous growths
Inability to excrete bodily fluids (tears, blood, sweat, etc)
Thinning blood
Extra organs (eyes, noses, etc)
Extra rows of teeth, like a shark! :D

COUNTDOWN

COUNTDOWN TO DISTRIBUTION

This COUNTDOWN TIMER™ tells you the projected date for when the licensed PHARM-XE™ distro team will touch base with Neotropolis, a glorified mining colony on a backwater planet in the Kepler system.

PHARM-XE believes in equality of business for all, so we strive to ensure that all planets are aware of our breakthrough technology, even places like Neotropolis. Aren't we so benevolent?

CONTACT ME

CONTACT US

For more information, please contact the current head distributor:

• ALIAS: 9-VOLT, NINEVOLT
• LAST KNOWN LOCATION: KEPLER SYS.
• EMAIL: SALES@PHARM-XE.COM
• INSTAGRAM (CURRENT): tom_ver5
• DISTRIBUTOR INFO

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